Monthly Archives

BUHHHHH

Sun, 10/31/2004 — Fasteriskhead

WELL IT'S OFFICIAL

THE ANDORE JR. STAFF IS NOW:

W A Y   T O O   B U S Y

AND ALSO:

C O M P L E T E L Y   O U T   O F   I D E A S

TRY US AGAIN TOMORROW MAYBE WE WILL HAVE SOMETHING FUNNY BY THEN

OR AT LEAST SOMETHING PRETENTIOUS

SAMURAI WITH TUBERCULOSIS CONSIDERED FOR POET LAUREATE

Thu, 10/28/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Washington DC (AP) -- The Library of Congress today announced that sickly blue-haired bishounen Ukyo Tachibana will be among a number of nominees for the position of poet laureate of the United States next year. Librarian F. Asters reported the nomination Tuesday morning at a small press gathering.

"Ukyo, despite being a digital representation of a 17th century Japanese swordsman, is a major poetic voice and a true representative of the American dream," said Asters. "The power of his verse reaches out to universal themes even as it expresses the pains of a very specific historo-fictional situation. One can certainly feel the inner struggle for love and fulfillment when his work is read, and should he be chosen for the position we would be honored to have him."

Asters then proceeded to recite several of the poet's shorter pieces, including what is widely considered his best work:

"Ukyo. 18-years-old.
'The world is nothing...
a barren dream it seems.'
20-years-old.
'Knowing you, life's murky
waters have cleared.'
25-years-old.
'I remember the beautiful
face of an evil goodness.'
I cannot go with you
I shall die alone. Boo hoo."

When asked for his response on the nomination Mr. Tachibana replied, ". . . !"

Satirical Blog

Fri, 10/22/2004 — Fasteriskhead

WE ALL MAKE COMIC STRIPS FROM SCREEN GRABS AND HIGHLIGHT THE DILEMMAS FACED BY VIDEOGAME CHARACTERS

BUT !!

WHICH ONE OF US IS THE REAL THE AUTHOR ??????

ONLY THE AUTHOR CAN CLEAN UP THE VILLAINS AND IMPROVE THE PEACE OF OUR TOWN FROM ITS WORST CONDITION EVER

An Expression of the Absolute

Mon, 10/18/2004 — Sak

Sprawled across my couch, cigarette dangling out of my fingers; Luigi Nono's performance of Mahler's Kindertotenlieder plays in the background.

...Von keinem Sturm erschrecket,
Von Gottes Hand bedecket...

It takes me back. 1985. I was studying in Gottingen then; the humanities division. I read Moliere and Holderlin with a fervent passion, the kind of passion that can only burn deep inside that of a young person. The candle was set aflame, the fire spread to every portion of my body, fueling my appetitive spirit with a deep-seeded ambition, the conviction that the world was my playground. The conviction that I could do no wrong. The horizons of my world were about to be shattered, however; my world would soon come crashing down.

>> Read more...

A Hipster's Commentary on the State of Videogames

Sun, 10/17/2004 — Sak

Uh, yeah, of course I've heard of San Andreas. Psh. Yeah, I've had an advance copy for, what now, Enrique? Two months, yeah? Yeah, it's okay. A little passé, if I do say so myself. I mean the whole non-linear thing was played out by, what? Final Fantasy VI? Oh, you didn't know that Final Fantasy VI was released here as Final Fantasy III? Heh, okay.

Well of-fucking-course I've played Katamari Damacy, what do you take me for? A dude not on top of his shit? Yeah, it was... okay, I mean. Yeah. Seems like it's trying a little too hard, y'know? I mean, that whole ball-rolling thing? I guess if you're into that you'd be into, y'know, Deathcab for Cutie or something; really played out, y'know?

This shirt? Yeah, it's an actual promotional t-shirt for SeTa's The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Its small size is perfect for my emaciated figure. Totally out of print. So what am I playing lately? Probably some games you've never heard of, y'know. This one game completely combines the pathos of Ghosts 'n' Goblins with the intense viscosity of Super Castlevania IV; it's called Tiddleywinks.

You haven't heard of it?

Public Apology

Thu, 10/14/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Hi folks, uh, Fasterisk here. Look, I, uh... you're probably all wondering where the Katamari Damacy joke is. I mean come on it's been what, three weeks since this thing has come out, and we're clearly lagging way behind all the other gaming sites by not having an entry devoted to something along the lines of Hey! You roll over things and pick them up into a big ball! That's W E I R D !!

This is a great failure on our part. Now, it is in fact up there on the big white project board, written in bright green washable marker: right above "Man there is just TOO MUCH BLOOD in Mortal Kombat" and right below "Time Dominator is the HUGEST Sonic ripoff ever!!" there is the entry, "Katamari Damacy = FREAKY!!!" Though unfortunately circumstances have not allowed it, I do plan sometime in the future to write a hilarious entry presenting the most awesome aspects of the game with my own indication somewhere nearby of WOW HEY MAN THAT SHIT IS NOT NORMAL. In lieu of presenting such an entry now, which is beyond my ability, I offer an ANDORE JR COUPON that may be redeemed for a Katamari Damacy joke at some future time.


C L I P  A N D  S A V E ! ! !

>> Read more...

Grabme, Man Seeks Meaning

Sun, 10/10/2004 — Fasteriskhead

VICTORY AT LAST!

HOMOMAN WILL BE MOST PLEASED

(NEW DATA INPUT) BUT -

NOW THAT I HAVE DESTROYED HOE'S DICK

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE

BZZT ERROR ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE

DIGITAL DESPAIR ENTERING PRIMARY CIRCUITS

BZZT BZZT OH GOD

Jacques Derrida, 1930-2004

Sat, 10/09/2004 — Fasteriskhead

From the moment that there is meaning there are nothing but signs. We think only in signs. Which amounts to ruining the notion of the sign at the very moment when, as in Nietzsche, its exigency is recognized in the absoluteness of its right.

Bad Street Brawler (rewritten w/cock jokes)

Thu, 10/07/2004 — Fasteriskhead

BALLS STREET BLOWER - THE STORY
Dicklicking crooks, thugs, and circus renegades rule the mean streets.
It's a real zoo out there! The city is unsafe and the good citizens live
in constant fear (of being sucked off). You are DICK DAVIS-former
punk rocker and the world's queerest martial arts vigilante! You are a
lean, mean, cock-sucking machine, returning to your native city
streets as the ultimate defender of fagdom! There's evil waiting
behind every bulge and dicks lurking behind every corner-LOOK OUT!
It's up to you to send the bad guys reeling with furious fisting & ass
bashing action. It's non-stop fellatio madness! Nail the no-gooders
today-and watch the street sodomists scatter!

PHY 807 Quantum Mechanics Syllabus

Tue, 10/05/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Instructor: Prof. F. Asterisk (office hours 3:00-4:45 M W R)
Time and Place: TR 1:00-2:15, McKain 213.

Textbook: Quantum Physics: An Introduction to Mankind's Utter Annihilation by R. Ragu and N. Pete.

Schedule:
Aug. 17: Historical introduction. Units of measurement, wave-particle duality.
Aug. 19: Classical atomic models (Thompson et al). Atomic spectra, Rutherford scattering.
Aug. 24: Blackbody radiation, photoelectric effect, Short wavelength x-rays, more Rutherford. Light as particles.
Aug. 26: Compton effect, intro to De Broglie, particles as waves, death rays.
Aug. 31: Finish up death rays. Bohr model, correspondence principle, Wilson-Sommerfeld, Frank-Hertz, energy bands.
Sept. 2: De Broglie and particle as wave packet. Wave functions. Reevaluation of Bohr.
Sept. 7: Davisson-Germer, G.P. Thomson. Verification.
Sept. 9: Heisenberg: uncertainty, probability, expectation, deviation.
Sept. 14: The Schrodinger equation for the wave equation; separable solutions, the infinite well, replacing God with science.
Sept. 16: Experimentation and measurement.
Sept. 21: Operators, eigenfunctions, orthonormality, completeness, time dependency.
Sept. 23: Finish last class, methodology of mad cackling.
Sept. 28: Free particles, postulates of QM, bound state problems.

>> Read more...

This Week's Deadly Games Question For Discussion

Sat, 10/02/2004 — Fasteriskhead

* * * Andore Jr. is proud to be * * *

* * * the B I G G E S T Deadly Games fansite on the web * * *



QUESTION FOR 10/03/04:

In the heart-tearing Episode 4 (prod. #104), we finally discover that the real-life model for arch-villain The Jackel is in fact Gus' father. Gus has programmed into this video game character a desire to attack family-associated areas, including parks and maternity wards; only through an autographed baseball (symbolizing family togetherness) can Gus, the "Cold-Steel Kid," be victorious and put The Jackal back into the computer world where he belongs (Gus also encounters his real-life father, which may be Christopher Lloyd's finest moment as an actor).

How does Gus' anger at his father, and subsequent projection of the worst parts of him into his video game as The Jackel, relate to your relationship with your OWN parents? What lesson do you think we can gain from Gus' mistakes and eventual redemption?

Temping at Lord Bafford's

Fri, 10/01/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Man, this is just great. Here I am, a B.A. in English Lit who wrote a paper applying Derrida-derived post-structuralism to Milton for my senior seminar, and what am I two years out of college? A guard working in some dumb fucking castle protecting some rich nobleman's stupid priceless scepter. Meanwhile I bet my asshole first year roommate (what was his name? Henry? Harold? CHRIST IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER), who opted for the business school, is probably off somewhere making six figures in bonuses alone and blowing it all snorting coke off of naked interns. There's no fucking justice at all.... I mean, HELLO?? Does that shithead Bafford even KNOW that he's trapped in a Humanist Empiricist-Idealist conceptualization of the cosmos? Nooo, of course not, because if he was then maybe he'd give me more than like two seconds for my goddamned smoke breaks.

>> Read more...

©2004-2010 The Andore Seven