Monthly Archives

GAMES AS ART (ON THE SIDE OF VANS): STORMLORD

Fri, 08/19/2005 — Rev. Ragu

As we approach the fifth generation of video games, we've reached the point where the public at large is beginning to ponder the idea of whether games are art or mere entertainment, much the same way as they did about the same amount of time after the motion picture was introduced. It is a controversial issue, with hack politicians pointing to Grand Theft Auto and shrieking THEY ARE JUST MURDER SIMULATIONS BAN THEM ALL THERE IS NO ART, and us doofuses, with our ranting blogs predicated on the lingering bitterness over SEGA TOTALLY MISHANDLING THE SATURN, taking the side of GAMES ARE ART COMPARABLE TO MUSIC AND PAINTING AND FILM. Well, in this series of Andore JR. posts, I plan to set the record straight once and for all: Games are art. Like heavy metal album covers, velvet unicorn paintings, and of course, murals on the side of vans, games are art.

I present the first exhibit: THE STORMLORD

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Mayor Mike Haggar: Found?

Wed, 08/17/2005 — Fasteriskhead

It was a dusky day on my Florida vacation. We were driving back from a fruitless trip to the local mall in Ft. Walton Beach when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something so wonderful that words as we hold them can not express the feeling of that moment. It was one of those ROTATING BILLBOARDS with a set of some three adds being turned continuously, and one of those ads happened to be, well...

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Found Art

Mon, 08/08/2005 — Sak

The Sinclair Spectrum: packaged with Super Deconstruction Bros. and Transgressive Block Stackers (Poly)-context-UAL edition.

MIDWAY TEACHES BUBER'S "I AND THOU"

Thu, 08/04/2005 — Fasteriskhead

When I confront a human being as my Thou and speak the basic word I-Thou to him, then he is no thing among things nor does he consist of things.

He is no longer He or She, limited by other Hes or Shes, a dot in the world grid of space and time, nor a condition that can be experienced and described, a loose bundle of named qualities. Neighborless and seamless, he is Thou and fills the firmament. Not as if there were nothing but he; but everything else lives in his light.

...The human being to whom I say Thou I do not "experience." But I stand in relation to him, in the sacred basic word. Only when I step out of this do I "experience" him again. Experience is remoteness from Thou.

The relation can obtain even if the human being to whom I say Thou does not hear it in his experience. For Thou is more than It knows. Thou does more, and more happens to it, than It knows. No deception reaches this far: here is the cradle of actual life.

Did You Know: Jerry Orbach

Wed, 08/03/2005 — Sak

DID YOU KNOW...

Jerry Orbach, known mainly for his role on the hit television drama Law & Order was born into a family already familiar with the biz? His father was a former vaudevillan and his mother was a radio singer! Jerry was also a chauffeur to none other than Hollywood sex pot Mae West!

D-did'ya also know what half of the Andore staff were members of the Seattle Seven? A-and that two of us are addicted to heroin? A-a-a-and one member has six toes on one foot? And that all seven of us have made love to Marianne Faithful when she was still dating Mick Jagger? And Deepthroat, yeah, that was us.

WELL NOW YOU DO!

Lament of the Unknown Sports Fan

Tue, 08/02/2005 — Fasteriskhead

Oh for - oh, what the fuck is this.

Are you kidding me? This is like the second time all season we've been up in the first quarter, and now alien monsters from outer space want to attack? Jesus, is someone in charge trying to ruin my year? And what the hell is that fucking giant robot monkey doing?

What? "Taking control?" Christ, I guess anything would be better than this year's running game, up to and including total capitulation of the human race to a giant brain with an eye; maybe under ALIEN MIND CONTROL we could gain more than like two yards a carry. Man, the city should have known it was probably a bad idea to build the capital right across the street from the stadium in the first place; do they have any idea how bad the traffic is during peak hours? This is ridiculous even aside from our new overlords showing up during the first halfway decent show in weeks and announcing the new state of affairs to all us DENIZENS OF THE PLANET EARTH.

God, maybe I should just move to Massachusetts already and become a Patriots fan. They don't have to put up with this shit.

they keep this up for the whole game folks

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Fasteriskhead

"Are you saying that the American government is actually a front for an international conspiracy? Do you have any proof?"

"Yes, J.C., but not just the U.S.: we're talking here about a global organization whose roots in the new world stretch as far back as Magellan at the least. We have numerous eyewitness accounts of a number of giant men in red spotted wifebeaters assisting the colonists during the French and Indian War, and that's not even mentioning any number of photographs, all disavowed by the executive branch, of the same mysterious figures piledriving the planes of the luftwaffe."

"Armies have always required and used special operation forces to give themselves an edge. Even if they existed, that doesn't mean they have any kind of extragovernmental authority."

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COUNTERPARTS! (TITLE SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A MUSICAL)

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Sak

It's a well known, descriptive factor of life that many video game titles share an apt counterpart in the gay distraction that some of us have dubbed "reality". Take this stunning gent to the left, for example. By typing in the title of the beloved and best-selling NES title, "Chubby Cherub" the gods have bequeathed upon us this jovial gent. Clad in the best Autumn wear that the Gap has to offer and with a made-in-Mexico Fender Strat complete with a custom pickguard that his brother claims is, "mega homo", our Chubby Cherub is ready to rock! Due to the pained expression on his face, I'd most likely say he's more likely to roll down the slope of a midlife crisis!* Notice the strained smile as he gently fingers a D chord, all waitin' to just get home and sell that guitar, buy a Corvette, and travel the open road with his high school sweetheart! It is like a page torn from Keroauc except about a million times less interesting and this guy can probably only afford meth.

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Salt 'N' Pepa on Lunar: The Silver Star

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Rev. Ragu

[Oooo, how you doin', baby?
No, not you
You, the bow-legged one, (ha-ha) yeah
What's your name?
Damn, that sounds sexy]

Here I go, here I go, here I go again (again?)
Girls, what's my weakness? (Men!)
Ok then, chillin', chillin', mindin' my business (word)
Yo, Salt, I looked around, and I couldn't believe this
I swear, I stared, my niece my witness
The brother had it goin' on with somethin' kinda...uh
Wicked, wicked (oooo) - had to kick it
I'm not shy so I asked for the digits
A ho? No, that don't make me
See what I want slip slide to it swifty
Felt it in my hips so I dipped back to my bag of tricks
Then I flipped for a tip, make me wanna do tricks for him
Lick him like a lollipop should be licked
Came to my senses and I chilled for a bit
Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do
So well it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop shoop

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING SALT 'N' PEPA WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH NASH

THAT IS THE DUDER WITH THE FLIP PLAYFULLY SPLASHING THE FLYING CAT (whose wing just obscures Kyle's big honkin' Bandit Dong of Ancient Meribia)

COME THE FUCK ON DON'T SAY YOU WOULDN'T DO IT TOO.

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