Christine's Wander and the Colossus fanfixtion [PART 1 OF 2]

Wed, 12/07/2005 — Bloiffy

The Wanderer awoke, alone, alone again, once more. The wind whistled through pillars, bathed in bleak light. The light of an almost-lost hope.

He pulled himself up, painfully, slowly, inorexorably to his feet, and surveyed himself. Clothes, tattered, torn, worn to shreds, skin blackened and hair shorn, no longer the colour of corn. He staggered out into the misty morn.

"Blorn," he said, mouth full of muck and vomit. His face, once soft and pure like an angel's, was now covered in scars. The mud was only washed away by tears, two rivulets marked cleanly down the sides of his face.

"LO," said the voice of God, high above, high and mighty and soaring above, like the wings of loving love he felt for Mono. Mono, who lay dead, died for him, his sins. His lust. Needs must. He'd do a deal with this God of Hellfire, and bring fire to the Colossi. The voice continued, echoing down upon him: "THOU HAST TO PRITHEE MILADY TO THINE SIXTEENTH COLOSSUS BETWIXT HITHER AND THITHER AND THINE SHALL FIND DEATH IN THE BRINE, CALVIN KLEIN."

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Salt 'N' Pepa on Lunar: The Silver Star

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Rev. Ragu

[Oooo, how you doin', baby?
No, not you
You, the bow-legged one, (ha-ha) yeah
What's your name?
Damn, that sounds sexy]

Here I go, here I go, here I go again (again?)
Girls, what's my weakness? (Men!)
Ok then, chillin', chillin', mindin' my business (word)
Yo, Salt, I looked around, and I couldn't believe this
I swear, I stared, my niece my witness
The brother had it goin' on with somethin' kinda...uh
Wicked, wicked (oooo) - had to kick it
I'm not shy so I asked for the digits
A ho? No, that don't make me
See what I want slip slide to it swifty
Felt it in my hips so I dipped back to my bag of tricks
Then I flipped for a tip, make me wanna do tricks for him
Lick him like a lollipop should be licked
Came to my senses and I chilled for a bit
Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do
So well it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop shoop

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING SALT 'N' PEPA WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH NASH

THAT IS THE DUDER WITH THE FLIP PLAYFULLY SPLASHING THE FLYING CAT (whose wing just obscures Kyle's big honkin' Bandit Dong of Ancient Meribia)

COME THE FUCK ON DON'T SAY YOU WOULDN'T DO IT TOO.

Bad Street Brawler (rewritten w/cock jokes)

Thu, 10/07/2004 — Fasteriskhead

BALLS STREET BLOWER - THE STORY
Dicklicking crooks, thugs, and circus renegades rule the mean streets.
It's a real zoo out there! The city is unsafe and the good citizens live
in constant fear (of being sucked off). You are DICK DAVIS-former
punk rocker and the world's queerest martial arts vigilante! You are a
lean, mean, cock-sucking machine, returning to your native city
streets as the ultimate defender of fagdom! There's evil waiting
behind every bulge and dicks lurking behind every corner-LOOK OUT!
It's up to you to send the bad guys reeling with furious fisting & ass
bashing action. It's non-stop fellatio madness! Nail the no-gooders
today-and watch the street sodomists scatter!

A Salute to Jonathan Haas

Sun, 07/25/2004 — Fasteriskhead

This is easily the greatest Guile/Chun Li erotic fanfic that will ever be written within our lifetimes. And I quote:

"She closed her eyes and slowly moved her hands over herself, pretending they were Guile's... 'Oh, yes, Guile, yes,' she softly moaned as her hand stole inside her panties, gently caressing the wetness it found there. 'Oh, yeah, right there... oh! Oh, Guile! Ya tai! Ya tai!'"

...

"After ripping out the crotch of Chun Li's sexy battle uniform, Guile parted her sweet, creamy thighs, and entered her with one smooth motion, making her scream in ecstasy. This was the treatment she had been waiting for... the treatment she had been wanting all these years. She was slightly put off by the way he chanted 'Sonic boom! Sonic boom!' with every thrust, but this was more than made up for by the manly skill he exhibited."

Mr. Haas, I don't know who or where you are at the moment, but if you happen to be reading this then allow me to say that you are a GOD DAMNED HERO and maybe, MAYBE, the single greatest unsung writer of your generation. I am looking forward to your upcoming "Blanka and Dhalsim: The Untold Story" with great fervor, sir, and I already have a spot on my shelf reserved for it.

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