THE (logically incoherent and oppressively unforgiving) BLUEPRINT

Thu, 04/14/2011 — Shadax

Shadax is the impresario of awful first-gen megadrive games at Pre-Sonic Genesis

Ask any true hip-hop head about Sierra On-Line and you'll most likely hear nothing but admiration for the sprawling and detailed examination of the Robin Hood myth and the ramifications of the Third Crusade in Conquests of the Longbow. But only the most ardent scholars of the golden age of hip-hop remember the studio for perhaps its most underrated contribution to pop-culture: the rap group KQ4.

Founded by King Gram (a nickname the young man earned for his uncanny ability to weigh a package of cocaine to the nearest gram in his hand), Larry Laffer, and several of the most raw drug dealing computer programmers Simi Valley, California had to offer, the then unnamed rap collective languished in the obscurity of command line easter eggs for years. At a time when the nascent genre was dominated by party-raps and novelty acts, the group's raw lyrics bragging about the drugs taken to create adventure game puzzles went unheard for years until the widespread popularity of the rap that gave the group their name, The KQ4 Rap:

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GAMES AS ART (ON THE SIDE OF VANS): STORMLORD

Fri, 08/19/2005 — Rev. Ragu

As we approach the fifth generation of video games, we've reached the point where the public at large is beginning to ponder the idea of whether games are art or mere entertainment, much the same way as they did about the same amount of time after the motion picture was introduced. It is a controversial issue, with hack politicians pointing to Grand Theft Auto and shrieking THEY ARE JUST MURDER SIMULATIONS BAN THEM ALL THERE IS NO ART, and us doofuses, with our ranting blogs predicated on the lingering bitterness over SEGA TOTALLY MISHANDLING THE SATURN, taking the side of GAMES ARE ART COMPARABLE TO MUSIC AND PAINTING AND FILM. Well, in this series of Andore JR. posts, I plan to set the record straight once and for all: Games are art. Like heavy metal album covers, velvet unicorn paintings, and of course, murals on the side of vans, games are art.

I present the first exhibit: THE STORMLORD

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Found Art

Mon, 08/08/2005 — Sak

The Sinclair Spectrum: packaged with Super Deconstruction Bros. and Transgressive Block Stackers (Poly)-context-UAL edition.

A!

Sat, 07/31/2004 — Fasteriskhead


PROTIP!! Sakaki's serve rocks out like a motherfucker.

Games That Never Were, Entry #17

Tue, 07/27/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Don't Copy That Floppy: The Copyright Caper

Company: SIIA/America Online

Platform(s): Mac/PC

Description: In this freely-distributed educational game, you will take control of the hip and savvy MC DP (short for Disk Protector) to learn about the perils of copyright abuse. The evil Floppy Filcher and his henchmen want to hypnotize the world into thinking that stealing software is okay, and it's up to you to stop him! Guide DP through three levels of Piracy Purgatory, solving puzzles and answering trivia questions using all of your knowledge of copyright ethics and the fallacies of theft. Watch out, though, as danger lurks around every corner, and Floppy Filcher will stop at nothing to defeat DP once and for all!

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Games That Never Were, Entry #9

Fri, 07/16/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Real Muthaphuckkin G's Starring Eazy-E

Company: Acclaim

Platform(s): Genesis/SNES

Description: Guide Eazy through the streets of Los Angeles, fighting against the nefarious Dr. Dre and his endless hordes of studio gangstas!! Explore six incredibly detailed levels laying the 187 down on hos, suckas, FBI Agents, and the motherfucking police in your quest to help Eazy become an O.G. and confirm his status as a "ruthless villain!" Battle Ice Cube in Compton to see who will get raped with a broomstick, then cruise down the street in your 64 capping any knucklehead who tries to start some shit! Then, finally, storm the headquarters of Death Row Records, a death trap disguised as a gothic cathedral/'30s-era factory, where you will meet that mangy-ass skinny mutt motherfucker Snoop Dogg and eventually face Dre himself!! You can even have two players at once, with M.C. Ren joining Eazy on his crusade.

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Omake: Mechwarrior Rap

Sat, 07/10/2004 — Fasteriskhead

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