RE4: Stranger

Wed, 01/04/2006 — Brooke

The dirt path gave way to puddled ruts as Leon stumbled away, his breath ragged and cracked with sobs. Tears cutting through the grime and crusted fluids on his face. The mud splashed his clothes, permanently discolouring his vintage bomber jacket that he completed Resident Evil 2 fourteen times to get. But it was nothing to the stain left on his purity when Ada had tried to touch him, to - he could scarcely bear to think of it now - to kiss him.

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COUNTERPARTS! (TITLE SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A MUSICAL)

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Sak

It's a well known, descriptive factor of life that many video game titles share an apt counterpart in the gay distraction that some of us have dubbed "reality". Take this stunning gent to the left, for example. By typing in the title of the beloved and best-selling NES title, "Chubby Cherub" the gods have bequeathed upon us this jovial gent. Clad in the best Autumn wear that the Gap has to offer and with a made-in-Mexico Fender Strat complete with a custom pickguard that his brother claims is, "mega homo", our Chubby Cherub is ready to rock! Due to the pained expression on his face, I'd most likely say he's more likely to roll down the slope of a midlife crisis!* Notice the strained smile as he gently fingers a D chord, all waitin' to just get home and sell that guitar, buy a Corvette, and travel the open road with his high school sweetheart! It is like a page torn from Keroauc except about a million times less interesting and this guy can probably only afford meth.

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Salt 'N' Pepa on Lunar: The Silver Star

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Rev. Ragu

[Oooo, how you doin', baby?
No, not you
You, the bow-legged one, (ha-ha) yeah
What's your name?
Damn, that sounds sexy]

Here I go, here I go, here I go again (again?)
Girls, what's my weakness? (Men!)
Ok then, chillin', chillin', mindin' my business (word)
Yo, Salt, I looked around, and I couldn't believe this
I swear, I stared, my niece my witness
The brother had it goin' on with somethin' kinda...uh
Wicked, wicked (oooo) - had to kick it
I'm not shy so I asked for the digits
A ho? No, that don't make me
See what I want slip slide to it swifty
Felt it in my hips so I dipped back to my bag of tricks
Then I flipped for a tip, make me wanna do tricks for him
Lick him like a lollipop should be licked
Came to my senses and I chilled for a bit
Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do
So well it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop shoop

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING SALT 'N' PEPA WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH NASH

THAT IS THE DUDER WITH THE FLIP PLAYFULLY SPLASHING THE FLYING CAT (whose wing just obscures Kyle's big honkin' Bandit Dong of Ancient Meribia)

COME THE FUCK ON DON'T SAY YOU WOULDN'T DO IT TOO.

SUCCESFUL MISSION

Thu, 12/09/2004 — Bloiffy

Hi! This is Nancy at Chase H.Q.! Just a message to say that I hope you all have a rockin' good time here at chaseheadquarters.net! HUNGH UNF WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM BLOIFFY AND NOT NANCY AT CHASE H.Q. OF COURSE I AM NANCY NGH OW HUFF PUFF PUFF OKAY CHOKING IT DOWN

INFOTATIONAL SATIRICAL WEBJOURNAL ANDORE JR CRISIS

Thu, 11/04/2004 — Bloiffy

Terrible news, my dears. Terrible news. I have returned from my busy schedule of suckin' big dicks and homphing down big globs of stringy spooge and I bring grave news. Fagfiction dot net will sadly be closing in a month. SO BASICALLY WE NEED TO HAVE A DONATION DRIVE !!!!!! DONUT LET ANDORE DIE KIDS

We need to raise TWENTY GOLDS to pay for the cost. The cost of a PUFF PUFF, THAT IS !!!!

Actually we will probably setting up a different server or something so uh don't worry too much I guess.

Grabme, Man Seeks Meaning

Sun, 10/10/2004 — Fasteriskhead

VICTORY AT LAST!

HOMOMAN WILL BE MOST PLEASED

(NEW DATA INPUT) BUT -

NOW THAT I HAVE DESTROYED HOE'S DICK

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE

BZZT ERROR ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE

DIGITAL DESPAIR ENTERING PRIMARY CIRCUITS

BZZT BZZT OH GOD

Bad Street Brawler (rewritten w/cock jokes)

Thu, 10/07/2004 — Fasteriskhead

BALLS STREET BLOWER - THE STORY
Dicklicking crooks, thugs, and circus renegades rule the mean streets.
It's a real zoo out there! The city is unsafe and the good citizens live
in constant fear (of being sucked off). You are DICK DAVIS-former
punk rocker and the world's queerest martial arts vigilante! You are a
lean, mean, cock-sucking machine, returning to your native city
streets as the ultimate defender of fagdom! There's evil waiting
behind every bulge and dicks lurking behind every corner-LOOK OUT!
It's up to you to send the bad guys reeling with furious fisting & ass
bashing action. It's non-stop fellatio madness! Nail the no-gooders
today-and watch the street sodomists scatter!

West of House

Sat, 09/25/2004 — Fasteriskhead

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.

>open mailbox
Opening the small mailbox reveals a leaflet.

>take leaflet
Taken.

>read leaflet
"WELCOME TO ZORK!

ZORK is a game of adventure, danger, and low cunning. In it you will explore some of the most amazing territory ever seen by mortals. No computer should be without one!"

>suck a cock
I don't know the word "suck"

>I'm a big queer
I don't know the word "i'm"

>hualughaguhagh
WARNING FAG ALERT!! Would you quit being a dumb cocksucker and start exploring the great underground empire already.

>hello sailor
Nothing happens here.

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