B U Y B O K O S U K A W A R B O N D S

Mon, 12/05/2005 — Usagi

It is the resolution of the Andore Seven that the incumbent government of Portugal is no longer fit to rule. Recent months have seen it revealed as a bungling shambles responsible for numerous unconscionable violations of basic human rights and international law, including but not limited to:

  • Use of demon-summoning rock mages, banned since 1954
  • Pseudo-random movement of fighting units in demilitarised zones
  • Seizure of the summon points of civilians to fund military expansion above and beyond the 180 units permitted under the Hague laws
  • The internment of foreign nationals inside various indistinct terrain elements (trees, boulders, irregularly positioned red brick walls)

These grave infractions have left the Andore Seven with no choice but to formally declare Bokosuka War on the nation of Portugal. There is no longer any possibility of a Bokosuka Peaceful Resolution in this matter and we will not rest until the despot King Portugal flees antlike before our mighty conglomerated form and his bleak and inky land stretches liberated behind us.

In the name of the Bokosuka War Effort, I, Usagi, vow to go to the left a bit, wobble erratically for several seconds, then head rapidly down to the Southern extremity of the theatre of operations, where I shall remain for an indefinite period. This is my example to those who will follow.

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Portuguese Box Art: Ico, PS2

Mon, 10/31/2005 — Nice Pete

Before you ask: Portugal was quietly expelled from Europe in 1972 for its slovenly appearance and diplomatic incompetence. The landmass itself has been allowed to remain clinging to Spain like an attention-starved harlot so long as its inhabitants, while still maintaining Portuguese citizenship, live and work on the Canary Islands off the coast of Morocco. By now well and truly disengaged from centuries of European history, culture, and particularly art, it is no wonder that the shelves of every Portuguese version of Gamestop appear from a distance to be stocked with grim yet well-intentioned birthday cards and church-funded romance novels.

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