ENTER WIZROBE

Sun, 10/08/2006 — Sak

In August of 1987, one of metal's most influential bands -- yet also one of the most obscure -- disbanded not with a bang, but with a whimper. Wizrobe, cited by the likes of Ronnie James Dio, Tony Iommi, and that one dude from Helloween who sort of harasses a dwarf in the "Hall of the Mountain King" video, to be the best metal band to emerge from the then-nascent "EPIC FANTASY METAL" genre (purists insists on capitalizing the genre name).

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Wendy & the Peace Keepers

Tue, 09/21/2004 — Sak

Yeah, we're kind of like a proto-punk-cum-new-wave ensemble. Yeah, I mean, we've kind of got a Theoretical Girls meets Sonic Youth kind of sound, but with some poppier stuff kind of mixed in. We cover the Talking Heads' "New Feeling". What the fuck do you mean that you've got too many proto-punk-cum-new-wave bands on the bill? There's like four of us in -- what was that? Four billion? Oh, that's hilarious, pal. Why don't you come say that to my face, dickshitter? Oh, you thought us music-types are supposed to be sensitive?

Dude, I was in the Peace Keepers. What? No, not the Peace Corps! Fucking. God, do you even play videogames? Oh, ha ha. You're not eight years old, how long did you stay up last night thinking of that one? C-contingent upon the situation? Fuck you, man! We didn't need this gig, anyway!

~do you remember love?~

Mon, 07/12/2004 — Rev. Ragu

Hi there! My name is Brandon, I'm twenty-one years old, my astrological sign is scorpio, and my measurements are a SE-CR-ET. Basically, due to my lack of education and severe brain-damage stemming from my participation in an underground brawling circuit to bring honor to my motherland (The Democratic Socialist States of Canada), avenge my best friend who was murdered by the evil overlord DALK KRAIZER (One-time VBF champion and former Prime Minister Bear Hugger, we hardly knew ye), determine the fate of the world, and just plain do it for THE LOVE OF THE FIGHT, I was brought into this project to both fill their affirmative action handicap quotas and to bring an extra spicy taste of exotic Canuckian sex appeal to the table. Certainly, I may be mentally deficient, but much like a poor, hairy, broad-chested, budget-Labatts-and-Back-Bacon stinking Paris Hilton, you can see past that pesky lack of inner beauty to my GLISTENING MASCULINE PECTORALS. That and there's some poorly-shot videotape of me circulating around, and let me just say that I was young and stupid and that Bloiffy is a rotten son-of-a-bitch.

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