Mayor Mike Haggar: Found?

Wed, 08/17/2005 — Fasteriskhead

It was a dusky day on my Florida vacation. We were driving back from a fruitless trip to the local mall in Ft. Walton Beach when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something so wonderful that words as we hold them can not express the feeling of that moment. It was one of those ROTATING BILLBOARDS with a set of some three adds being turned continuously, and one of those ads happened to be, well...

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COUNTERPARTS! (TITLE SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A MUSICAL)

Mon, 08/01/2005 — Sak

It's a well known, descriptive factor of life that many video game titles share an apt counterpart in the gay distraction that some of us have dubbed "reality". Take this stunning gent to the left, for example. By typing in the title of the beloved and best-selling NES title, "Chubby Cherub" the gods have bequeathed upon us this jovial gent. Clad in the best Autumn wear that the Gap has to offer and with a made-in-Mexico Fender Strat complete with a custom pickguard that his brother claims is, "mega homo", our Chubby Cherub is ready to rock! Due to the pained expression on his face, I'd most likely say he's more likely to roll down the slope of a midlife crisis!* Notice the strained smile as he gently fingers a D chord, all waitin' to just get home and sell that guitar, buy a Corvette, and travel the open road with his high school sweetheart! It is like a page torn from Keroauc except about a million times less interesting and this guy can probably only afford meth.

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Questionable Design Directions

Mon, 09/06/2004 — Fasteriskhead

This transcript is an excerpt from a three-hour recording sent to the Andore Jr. offices by a source who wishes to remain anonymous. It depicts a short chat between two programmers, and though the tape cannot be precisely dated we can determine from internal evidence (chiefly an extended discourse on how rad Van Helsing looks and what sounds like someone playing the Ninja Gaiden demo) that the conversation in question took place sometime in early 2004.

(01:49:23, excerpt begins. humming of flourescent lights; music, poss. electroclash; coughing, prob. from Voice 2)

Voice 1: Okay so uhh, this is looking pretty good. We've just taken the player and run him through Hell itself, in the process offering the most extraordinary graphical experience ever witnessed in a video game. That's pretty good, I mean I think we've done something that's pretty cool with this.
Voice 2: I think people will be very impressed with the Hell stuff.
1: Yeah. But now like, the game's still not done and we have to find some way to top that, and I'm not sure how. Like, it's hard to do. I mean when you've got rivers of lava and hellfire and the souls of the damned flying every which way it's hard to get more awe-inspiring and technically impressive than that.
2: And the dragon.
1: The dragon too, yeah.

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On The Varities of the Experience of Videogaming Humor

Sun, 09/05/2004 — Sak

The halcyon days of my youth -- I look back on them fondly. The summers spent fishing down by Baxter's Pond, the winter's time would best be put to use by cuddling up with a consort near the fireplace and reminiscing of foregone days. They were all unique, yet shared a common bond -- atop my dresser sat my Nintendo Entertainment System. O, siren! Let your magnetic sonority pervade my inner ear, and turn your the mathematics of vibration into the transcendental experience of the aesthetic! For rich is your tune, in a myriad of subsumptions! Lend me your voice, O, muse, and speak of the humor of the videogaming experience, that which makes Hermes laugh, that which enforces its queer ways upon poor Orpheus, loneliest of all souls!

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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Sat, 07/31/2004 — Sak

Recently, the Andore JR. staff took a week long vacation to Japan. We immersed ourselves in the culture neck deep, and we found ourselves blending in with the locals in no time flat. Click here for a staff shot!

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