An Appeal to Jonathan Haas

Wed, 12/08/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Those of you watching at home who have been longtime Andore Jr. fans may recall the rediscovery of the incomparably brilliant Jonathan Haas, whom we may consider to be the greatest satirical Street Fighter 2 erotic fanfic writer of all time. There are few others in the field, then or now, who can even begin to match Mr. Haas in sheer expressive power; however, he appeared to have completely dropped out of sight after finishing his finest work (the incomparable "Guile and Chun Li - The Untold Story"), and we were unable to locate any more on him subsequent to the first discovery. After the initial fury of google research, frankly, most of us gave up hope of ever locating this hidden master, this J.D. Salinger of lemon parodies, and we sank into acceptance of a loss of what could have been. But then, a mere two days ago, I received the following email:

From: "Jonathan S. Haas"
To: tsfergus AT uncg.edu
Date: Tuesday, December 07, 2004 11:38PM
Subject: Um, thanks :)

So I was Googling for my name and came upon this post ... er, thanks for the compliment. I wrote that story over a decade ago and had nearly forgotten it. Glad you liked it.

--JSH

HOLY SHIT

I-I-IT'S HIM!! IT'S REALLY HIM!!!

W-wait a minute. He wrote this... a DECADE ago? People... d-do you realize what this means? We now have to rethink the entire history of internet gaming humor. If "Guile and Chun Li - The Untold Story" was truly written circa '94 or '95, that would place it BEFORE Zeroes Un, BEFORE Toastyfrog, BEFORE Seanbaby. M-my god people, Jonathan S. Haas was being hilarious and ironic and referencing obscure humor sources while most of us were listening to Soundgarden, could not have even comprehended the sheer blazing speed of a 56k modem, and still believed it possible to rescue General Leo. I don't even have the words to describe how ahead of his time Jonathan Haas was during the mid-'90s; truly he is the point man of this whole movement.

And with all of that out of the way, I must now make an appeal: Mr. Haas, if you are reading this, then please, COME BACK TO US. You may not have been accepted in your own time but now both the tools and the artistic environment have developed substantially, and so (like Varese and his Poeme Electronique) we ask you to return to your art and complete what you began. Surely the technology is now at a point where your planned opus, "Blanka and Dhalsim: The Untold Story," can be fully achieved, and those of us in the gaming humor community would be immeasurably grateful if we could witness its creation after all these years. Should you return to your roots you will have no shortage of admirers, and we here at Andore Jr. will certainly be among them.

I will finish by simply saying: thank you, Jonathan Haas. Already you are legend.

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