Devil Busters Do Not Have A Good Union

Fri, 02/06/2009 — Rev. Ragu

  • Devil Busting rarely follows a nine-to-five schedule, and there is no overtime pay.
  • Meals are not provided by The Agency. Devil Busters must pack their own lunch. We ask that you bring plastic utensils only; please refer to the State Devil Busting Code under section 436B [PSI Users/Scanners/Quantum Quasibeings]
  • Drug tests are mandatory; all prescriptions must be approved by the Master Arbiter first. Use of any substance which erodes the boundaries between consensus reality and the infinite consciousness is strictly prohibited; please refer to the State Devil Busting Code under section 135C [Psychological Limiters And You: It's The Law]
  • Your hard hat, asbestos coveralls, corruption-resistant polymer bodysuit, psi-barrier, steel toed work boots, anointed amulet of the True Cross, and safety goggles must be worn at all times. Failure to comply will result in immediate termination. Safety is everyone's responsibility!
  • It is required to carry an Emergency Kit on all job sites (w/ .38 revolver, two bullets, three cyanide capsules, and a copy of the holy book of your choosing). Failure to comply will result in immediate termination.
  • Each Devil Buster will work alongside a "buddy". Immediate termination must be enacted on your assigned "buddy" following an infraction of safety code within thirty minutes (Regulation allowance for making peace with their God). Return to the requisition point afterward to receive a new "buddy". Failure to comply will result in immediate termination.
  • Devil Busters receive no health insurance or dental benefits. Devil Busters are responsible for their own treatment out of pocket following possession/unholy fusion/chthonic terror incidents.
  • Devil Busters suffer a high incidence of chronic lower back injury as well as maddening visions of the emptiness of the hereafter. Devil Busters should also be screened regularly for prostate cancer.
  • Devil Busting does not make you feel good.

Comments


Sun, 02/08/2009 — Bred

But their recruitment page is so upbeat!


Sun, 02/08/2009 — Ragu

They try to make it all happy and feel-good, but that's just how they hook you. First you're spreading the word of Christ through children's puppetry, next you're knee deep in entrails, staring down non-euclidean horrors. The recruiters don't really want you to know about that part.

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