GAMES AS ART (ON THE SIDE OF VANS): STORMLORD

Fri, 08/19/2005 — Rev. Ragu

As we approach the fifth generation of video games, we've reached the point where the public at large is beginning to ponder the idea of whether games are art or mere entertainment, much the same way as they did about the same amount of time after the motion picture was introduced. It is a controversial issue, with hack politicians pointing to Grand Theft Auto and shrieking THEY ARE JUST MURDER SIMULATIONS BAN THEM ALL THERE IS NO ART, and us doofuses, with our ranting blogs predicated on the lingering bitterness over SEGA TOTALLY MISHANDLING THE SATURN, taking the side of GAMES ARE ART COMPARABLE TO MUSIC AND PAINTING AND FILM. Well, in this series of Andore JR. posts, I plan to set the record straight once and for all: Games are art. Like heavy metal album covers, velvet unicorn paintings, and of course, murals on the side of vans, games are art.

I present the first exhibit: THE STORMLORD

Yes, one can transfer Razorsoft's controversial 1990 Genesis game to the realm of what many would consider higher art effortlessly. Known for its inclusion of BIG TITTIED NAKED FAIRY STATUES which had the entire gaming world abuzz, this game which once pushed the limits of the art of gaming now pushes 35, a righteous Chevy Vandura blasting Led Zeppelin on the streets of Carbondale. The Stormlord sends a message to everyone who sees it that The Occupant is one bad-assed MF, a hard-rockin' dude whose Level 25 Paladin will bring the pain to any Second Edition AD&D game (The Stormlord is strictly a NO THIRD EDITION zone; violation will quickly find you out of the magnificent light of The Stormlord and back into your K-Car of shame).

Do not fear The Stormlord should you find it, as it often is, parked outside of the Circle K, for despite the fearful appearance, The Occupant is a friend of justice and only brings down his noble hammer on those who would seek to blacken the world with lawlessness and also those who would claim that Jedi is better than Empire (it is not). If you have a pure heart, courage, and were righteously indignant when Peter Jackson neglected to include Tom Bombadil in the first Lord of the Rings movie, then approach The Stormlord with no fear, as The Stormlord smiles on the valiant.

The Stormlord speaks to us on many levels, the level that that dude brings the thunder, the level that the lady hanging on his legs has big titties, and the level that checks out that castle, it is totally badass. The Stormlord is art, precious, powerful, and sweet-assed.

Ride on, Stormlord, to VALHALLA!

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