KONAMILAND WARS OF '89

Wed, 01/07/2009 — Sak

Gentlemen, welcome to war. Don't tell me that you've been in the shit unless you were in the Great Konamiland Wars of 1989. Belmonts and Mad Dogs, Scorpions and Big Bosses alike all lost a little somethin' over there. Overseas, they don't give a shit if you have a 2P back home, or about the city bombers that you left behind, and they sure as fried double dribbl'd shit don't care about your Bro. Wesson and Bro. Smith.

I can still smell the shit on my boots and the hairspray in the air, man. Trudgin' knee deep in that fuckin' loam, man. And for what? For what? So those fuckers back home won't even release Break Shot? Do you know what it's like to watch an anthropomorphic penguin die in your arms? Not a pleasant experience, let me tell you. Do you know what it was like to tell Hanako that she wouldn't be able to grow old (up to about 24 years) with her husband? Ain't too fuckin' pretty.

Cluster bombs flyin', laser beams firin' this way and that, so many titties tightly bound in skimpy cut-off cloth. Those are the kinda phrases that begin to tell you what war's like. I met many good young men there; young men that lost their lives before their time. My buddy Vic Viper was brought down by a group of Featherbangs. Fucked 'im to death, man. I mean, actually that part was kind of cool. Not even sure how they were able to perform those actions on a spaceship, but I digress. Happened just a day before he was supposed to shit out, man. He was talkin' 'bout settlin' down. Maybe startin' a family with a scantily clad bunny girl ridin' on an hilariously large bullet.

Worst part was seein' one of those tall-gammed death machines bring down Upa. Kid had so much potential. So much to live for. Too young to vote, but old enough to die for his country and begin to teeth.

I went back home, but things were never the same. Annie left me after that. Somethin' had changed me over there. Changed me so hard that I couldn't even fuck my beautiful, fair faced, half-fish wife. Took the kids, Eskimo and Fish Man and moved to Wai Wai World. Rest is history for her. Married Konami Man, had a successful career sellin' hammers and fists to the Fratellis. War's somethin' that doesn't end overseas, man. You take that shit with you.

Comments

Post new comment

  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <hr>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
Robots ain't welcome around these parts.
punc_out:
©2004-2010 The Andore Seven