Onimusha 2's Existential Crisis

Wed, 08/25/2004 — Fasteriskhead

It is the greatest irony of life that one never questions it until one's position has been shaken to the very core. Until Monday, I was a video game; granted I was not a very good one, as my voice acting was horrible and my camera positioning questionable at best, but I still took a certain pride in my work, in what I was. All of that changed, all of that was instantly dissolved, when my owner's Playstation 2, that wonderous device which was at the very center of my existence, was stolen... and now I know not what I am.

My function as related to that Playstation 2, within which I was to sit and spin in a circular dance of wonderment and data retrieval, was what defined my identity as a video game. Now, without it, what am I? With nothing to load me and play me and save me to a memory card, does my identity as a thing on this earth continue onwards regardless? Am I not now just a thin circular hunk of plastic with a sticker, enclosed within a case made of yet more plastic? Am I even that anymore?

Furthermore, if I am no longer me, then what thing is it that is thinking these thoughts of self-identity? Are my thoughts and feelings merely physical reactions driving me along and giving me the illusion of my own sense of control in order to keep me sane, functional? And does the Playstation 2 still exist without my awareness of it? Did the Playstation 2 really exist before it was stolen, or was I merely clinging desperately to an image, an ideal, like Marlowe's Faustus passionately holding on to his illusory Helen?

Or... is it possible? Could the Playstation 2 be trying to test me with its absence? Or teach me an important lesson? I... I don't know. But it must be. It must be. If somehow I can pass the test or understand the message, then the Playstation 2 will return to its seat on top of the television to spin me inside of it once more.

It will come back one day, I now have no doubt. Though it may take a thousand years, though all the creatures of the earth may be dead and returned to dust once it again connects its video and audio cables, it is ultimately only a matter of time. Others may call this a leap of faith on my part; I call it the only way to go on living.

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