> Boldly Accept

Tue, 02/24/2009 — Rev. Ragu

Look at you, you pathetic creature. You've fooled everyone around you, but I know you better than that. In fact, in some not insignificant way, I am you. Your unflinching confidence, your easy charm, your soft shoulder to cry on - It's all a front, isn't it? They all wait patiently for you to have time for them, and they burst with giddiness when you do find time for them. They want to tell you their troubles, for you to lend them your ear and to encourage them and tell them exactly what they want to hear. But it's all bullshit, isn't it? You're just buttering them up. You're not in it out of concern or friendship or love, you're just in it for the social links.

You are a miserable little toad, the kind of person who schmoozes at office parties, never has too much to drink, always has the best clothes and perfect hair, tells everyone that their ideas are great, that yes, their boss really doesn't have a goddamned clue while simultaneously telling the boss that you just wouldn't know what to do without his guidance. Your girlfriend is out there, totally unaware that you're fucking the secretary in the restroom - you're going to dump her anyway, the secretary has much better tits. You've got your eye on that cutie in accounting, too - she might be worth a shot. You're just going to keep climbing that ladder, and those rare individuals who can see through your bullshit will expect you to fall one day. But you never will, because you've got this whole goddamn thing figured out. You're a shapeshifter, a chameleon - no one who matters will ever notice that you crawl on your belly in the fucking shit and dirt.

You don't care that Kenji is really serious about his teacher and not just after some kind of ludicrous porno fantasy. Fuck him. Kazushi made some lame promise to his cousin or brother or love child or whatever and is going to lose his ability to race because of a bum knee? God, who the fuck even cares? Everyone is after Chihiro because they think she stole a bunch of money from student council? Let the bitch burn, you don't give a shit. Fuuka can't cook? Yukari has some daddy issues? Boo hoo, maybe you should tell someone who gives the remotest iota of a fuck. You're juggling all these people and all their histrionics and you couldn't care less. Their self-appraisement and resolution is merely the key to creating the world's pantheons of deities and demons out of the pit of your soul; of which it is debatable whether you even have one or not, having made yourself into some kind of human fun-house mirror; one which makes everyone look thin and lovely, except that it's all lies and all they did was pay a disgusting carnie for the privilege of seeing some cartoonish idealization of themselves.

Oh, I'm not saying that the sex isn't good. Hell, that's half the reason you're juggling six girls' affections. You've had a lot of "special moments" this year, haven't you? Butter 'em up and boldly accept, baby. Come to think of it, you haven't been hearing a whole lot about these girls having any sort of "monthly difficulties". Maybe it's just this Dark Hour thing that's doing it. Or maybe...? Hell, you're just going to disappear; whatever happens doesn't make a difference to you.

You build 'em up and knock 'em down. You've left a trail of betrayal and brokenness and unwed mothers in your wake. You're an animal, a slavering beast, a monster. Whatever it is that you're fighting against, you're worse - A soulless, solipsistic, sociopathic manipulator. It may be cliche, but death is too good for you. But you know what? Everyone you've just fucked over and ruined will be the first ones to rush to your aid when you fall - it's ironic, isn't it? Your deception is complete.

Go on and Boldly Accept, you miserable incubus, and thank God that you will never get what you deserve.

Devil Busters Do Not Have A Good Union

Fri, 02/06/2009 — Rev. Ragu

  • Devil Busting rarely follows a nine-to-five schedule, and there is no overtime pay.
  • Meals are not provided by The Agency. Devil Busters must pack their own lunch. We ask that you bring plastic utensils only; please refer to the State Devil Busting Code under section 436B [PSI Users/Scanners/Quantum Quasibeings]
  • Drug tests are mandatory; all prescriptions must be approved by the Master Arbiter first. Use of any substance which erodes the boundaries between consensus reality and the infinite consciousness is strictly prohibited; please refer to the State Devil Busting Code under section 135C [Psychological Limiters And You: It's The Law]
  • Your hard hat, asbestos coveralls, corruption-resistant polymer bodysuit, psi-barrier, steel toed work boots, anointed amulet of the True Cross, and safety goggles must be worn at all times. Failure to comply will result in immediate termination. Safety is everyone's responsibility!
  • It is required to carry an Emergency Kit on all job sites (w/ .38 revolver, two bullets, three cyanide capsules, and a copy of the holy book of your choosing). Failure to comply will result in immediate termination.
  • Each Devil Buster will work alongside a "buddy". Immediate termination must be enacted on your assigned "buddy" following an infraction of safety code within thirty minutes (Regulation allowance for making peace with their God). Return to the requisition point afterward to receive a new "buddy". Failure to comply will result in immediate termination.
  • Devil Busters receive no health insurance or dental benefits. Devil Busters are responsible for their own treatment out of pocket following possession/unholy fusion/chthonic terror incidents.
  • Devil Busters suffer a high incidence of chronic lower back injury as well as maddening visions of the emptiness of the hereafter. Devil Busters should also be screened regularly for prostate cancer.
  • Devil Busting does not make you feel good.
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