TOP FIVE SEXY SEX SEX VIDEO GAME SEX FUCK

Tue, 01/13/2009 — Rev. Ragu

Gentle readers; as Fasteriskhead previously announced, we have been bought out by Camo Brewing. While this means that the terrible convulsions and cold sweats are finally over, it does also mean that we're a shell of what we once were - an Andore One Point Four to our former Andore Seven. But we've promised to bring you the same top shelf video game laffs for bottom shelf prices. Just like Camo brand Malt Liquor, we're the smooth taste that creeps up on you. Due to contractual obligations and certainly not because of extreme chemical dependency fueling a desperate need to satisfy our new sugar daddy corporate overlords, we're going to keep bringing you more and more of our unique takes on the wild 'n wacky world of video games with our usual intelligence and irreverent wit. So climb into your comfiest chair, sip and savour an ice cold Camo, and come along with me for the show!

TOP FIVE SEXY SEX SEX VIDEO GAME SEX FUCK

>> Read more...

Arcade Classics: Caged Bird

Thu, 01/08/2009 — Brooke

Caged Bird is an anomaly in Sega's library, but not as much of one as some might think. The early nineties were the heyday of the big literacy push in American schools. After the ridiculous success of Nintendo's Wally Bear and the NO! Gang, it was hoped that a similar approach might work in encouraging children to read, and a series of 'Arcade Classics' were planned. The first, 1992's Gr8 X-pectations, became a critical and commercial success in Japan, paving the way for future titles.

>> Read more...

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

Wed, 01/07/2009 — Fasteriskhead

Dear Andore Jr. Readers,

As you may have heard in recent rumors, Andore Jr. has indeed suffered greatly in the economic downturn of the past year. We're certainly proud of our recent relaunch and the success of the humor products we've released, which have been highly successful. However, sadly, several of our investment side projects in "playing the market" have not gone quite as planned. Recent claims to the effect that "Andore Jr. is a finance/investment firm with a small video game humor arm" are, of course, untrue. All the same, we in the Andore management had indeed placed much of our hope (and nearly all the millions of dollars we'd made over the years) into these "plays." While we still feel that our recently purchased California and Florida property will find interested buyers soon and that our AIG stake can turn around, we must admit at the moment that our speculation caused a slight liquidity problem.

>> Read more...

KONAMILAND WARS OF '89

Wed, 01/07/2009 — Sak

Gentlemen, welcome to war. Don't tell me that you've been in the shit unless you were in the Great Konamiland Wars of 1989. Belmonts and Mad Dogs, Scorpions and Big Bosses alike all lost a little somethin' over there. Overseas, they don't give a shit if you have a 2P back home, or about the city bombers that you left behind, and they sure as fried double dribbl'd shit don't care about your Bro. Wesson and Bro. Smith.

I can still smell the shit on my boots and the hairspray in the air, man. Trudgin' knee deep in that fuckin' loam, man. And for what? For what? So those fuckers back home won't even release Break Shot? Do you know what it's like to watch an anthropomorphic penguin die in your arms? Not a pleasant experience, let me tell you. Do you know what it was like to tell Hanako that she wouldn't be able to grow old (up to about 24 years) with her husband? Ain't too fuckin' pretty.

>> Read more...

FROM THE CASE BOOK OF CRANTON STAGGS

Mon, 01/05/2009 — Sak

Mitsy was the belle of the ball as far as the residents of Newton, Idaho were concerned. She had it all: fast cars, faster men, and even faster cars than the fast cars that she already owned. That's right, Mitsy was on the fast track to success, but what she didn't know was that someone had secretly derailed that track, and silently replaced it with another track: the fast track to death.

Mitsy's twenty-third birthday was coming up, and Fenton Fox had bought her a ring. This was no ordinary ring, however. It was a ring that signified that he wished to be engaged to be married to her (eventually). If she said no, then, well, that was not exactly too cool in his book. He had bought the ring for her, so that she would know that he wanted to get married; not just to anyone, either, but to her. Fenton was walking up to Mitsy's door with the swagger of a man who was just about to ask someone to marry him; but then, all of the sudden, he was stabbed by a shadowy new wave punk rock character.

>> Read more...

Final Lolita 1917-2009

Sun, 01/04/2009 — Rev. Ragu


Ethel Lolita
3/10/1917 - 1/4/2009

Ethel Lolita, final surviving member of the Lolita Quintuplets, has passed away quietly in her sleep. She was 91.

>> Read more...

The Origins of Andore Jr.

Wed, 12/31/2008 — Rev. Ragu


~Gather 'round people, let me tell you a story
About a web site that was known as Andor..y~

>> Read more...

Where is the NHK TV Camera? Hello Andore Jr.!

Wed, 12/31/2008 — Rev. Ragu

It's been a while, friends. When we last left Andore Jr. before we got cancelled due to middling ratings in the 3:30 AM timeslot adjacent to reruns of "Wings", we were engaged in a harrowing struggle with DEATH-LOAD DALK KRAIZER. Bloodied and beaten, with Nice Pete already having made the ultimate sacrifice to fend off DALK KRAIZER'S right hand man BALZACK, Fasteriskhead summoned the last of his strength and raised the magical sword GESCHLECHTBUMSER against the demon lord. Lunging forth and with a tremendous scream, everything froze and transitioned into a sketch, and the credits rolled to the tune of the hit song "Mug Smashers ~a true lonely to the heart~" by Japanese Rock Supergroup POWER'S COCK. For years, there was neither hide nor hair to be found of the once-great Andore Seven, and fans cried out for Andore Jr. to continue, to give them some sense of closure.

>> Read more...

WHAT IF... A SQUARESOFT INTERNET NERD PERFORMED STAND UP IN 1996?

Wed, 12/24/2008 — Sak

Check one, two. This thing on? Everyone doin' okay, tonight? Good, good. Before we get started, how about a big round of applause for Delton Morton and his fantastic set of funny hats? Great! Thanks. Man, so, I was in Illucia today. Illucia. Talk about a clusterfuck! Why, I had to talk to three NPCs before I could even get to the title screen of the Chocobo Race Java game! Th-three NPCs. Is this thing on? Whew.

>> Read more...


©2004-2010 The Andore Seven
it is the nineties and it is time for klax