Mon, 08/01/2005 — Sak

It's a well known, descriptive factor of life that many video game titles share an apt counterpart in the gay distraction that some of us have dubbed "reality". Take this stunning gent to the left, for example. By typing in the title of the beloved and best-selling NES title, "Chubby Cherub" the gods have bequeathed upon us this jovial gent. Clad in the best Autumn wear that the Gap has to offer and with a made-in-Mexico Fender Strat complete with a custom pickguard that his brother claims is, "mega homo", our Chubby Cherub is ready to rock! Due to the pained expression on his face, I'd most likely say he's more likely to roll down the slope of a midlife crisis!* Notice the strained smile as he gently fingers a D chord, all waitin' to just get home and sell that guitar, buy a Corvette, and travel the open road with his high school sweetheart! It is like a page torn from Keroauc except about a million times less interesting and this guy can probably only afford meth.

What do we have here? The processional of a drunken gang-rape? No, this is the real life equivilant of Jr. Pac Man! I was going to say that these Junior Pacmaniacs look like European kids trying to look like American kids trying to look like they are European, but it turned out that the website I nabbed this from was of Brazillian origin, so they have a mystic, ill-defined Portugeuse vibe. My only guess that this photograph was taken at a Jr. Pac-Man themed rave, except the power went out, but it turned out that they were at an abandoned warehouse for cameras with the added ability of flash photography! And party is just crazy because the only way they can see is to keep taking pictures with the flash on but all of the sudden the doors burst open, and a voice booms, "Now just what exactly is goin' on here?" (except in Brazillian Portugeuse), and everyone is very, very quiet, and the voice says "'Cause it sure sounds like fun!" and it turns out the voice is of Brazillian music superstar Caetano Veloso and he rips off his suit to reveal a Jr. Pac-Man ringer t-shirt (which he purchased from Tópico Quente) and the crowd just goes wild and he plays an acoustic set and the place is just crazy, man. Crazy. Clyde claims to have wrangled himself a blowjob that night, but you and I know better. Ghosts don't have dicks.

Très postmodernes! The real life counterpart of the video game Chaos Engine is two dudes playing Chaos Engine! What can I say about this? The guys clearly look like they're having fun, and any comments disparaging of their sexuality would be a) inappropriate and b) out of context. The only question that really needs to be posed here is, "Where are they at?" I imagine this to be like the Risky Business of the videogame world. Y'see, a boss of a post-office goes out of town for the night and gives the keys to the assistant manager. What's a boy to do!? Bust out the CD32 and a sixer of Guinness! I mean, there are several key plot changes, such as the young man's parents being replaced with a post-office manager, and the fact that the protagonist works in a post-office at all, the entire prostitution plot being replaced with two fellas just sort of having a few brews and playing Chaos Engine. Reactionary, indeed. This worked out slightly better in my head.


Listen, I typed in Super Bagman, but I only found these two avatars of Red from That 70's Show and Tupac Shakur. We hope you enjoy them!

* Man, I really impressed myself with this play on words.


Wed, 02/24/2010 — Bred N. Butter

Where did the Pacmaniacs go? I DEMAND MY PAC-A-MANIACS (who vaguely resemble the Icy Hot Stuntaz).

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