FIGHT THE POWER

Thu, 10/20/2005 — Sak

On April 27, 1990, I received a copy of Konami's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Arcade Game for play on the Nintendo Entertainment System. Included with the game was 1 (one) coupon redeemable for a "Personal Pan Pizza" at any participating Pizza Hut franchise. I have saved this coupon with the intention of utilizing it when I am in dire need of a Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut. Now, fifteen years after the fact, I am in dire need of a Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut.

However, I am being denied said Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut due to the fact that the offered expired fourteen years ago. I am of the opinion that Konami Japan, its American branch "Ultra", Nintendo Inc., and Pizza Hut are all personally responsible for my lack of a Personal Pan Pizza (from Pizza Hut). I have reason to believe that all four companies acted with malicious intent to impede the bequeathment of that delicious, doughy, one-topping'd, circular bit of edible content onto my very being.

Konami Japan, Ultra, Nintendo, and Pizza Hut are utilizing gestapo-like tactics to infringe upon my basic human rights. The former three refuse to return my calls and respond to my letters; Ultra under the pretense of "no longer existing". Several Pizza Hut institutions have flat out denied my request for a Personal Pan Pizza (with certificate in hand), which I fear may be due to both a racist and sexist sentiment (pretty sure they hate white males).

We at Andore JR. -- nay -- the world is being plunged into a state of peril due to this malignant activity. Please, join us in our protest against Konami, Ultra, Nintendo, and Pizza Hut; our first (non-violent) protest is scheduled to take place in front of the Kingdom City, Missouri Pizza Hut on November 27th. Please show your support! Nothing less than the fate of the universe depends on this.