McDuck Reviews (

Wed, 09/08/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Dwarves = Gay (posted 14:24 09/07/04)
I've been delving into some of my old Genesis games as a consequence of being laid off by those cocksucking faggots on the board... anyways, all I can figure is that I must've been a real fucktard while I was younger because these things are completely lame. I mean, did I ever actually ENJOY playing Golden Axe? Because I sure don't now. Mainly it comes across as a shitty Final Fight clone (not that Final Fight is a fucking masterpiece) in a fantasy realm where you play a barbarian, an amazon, or, if you REALLY hate your manhood, a dwarf... (Read Entire Post)

Fucking Christians (posted 22:57 09/06/04)
Ran into a bunch of pissant Christ-types today, who were smiling at fucking everybody while they were out in a parking lot doing charity work or something. They had on "Jesus Saves" t-shirts to complete the look, I guess so that no one would mistake them for Hindus. Christians always piss me off; yeah folks, Jesus died so that you could pepper your house with cheesy plastic angel figurines and avoid sex until you've been married to your dumb inbred cousin. And also so you can ANNOY ME, the instructions for which have to include like half the bible at... (Read Entire Post)

Furries Are Retarded (part 7) (posted 18:15 09/04/04)
Well first off, the Paypal shit has got to start picking up. I barely had enough money to have my X-Box fixed after I was done paying this month's broadband bill, and I really need to count pennies if I'm gonna preorder San Andreas (even though it looks like shit). Quit being stingy already. Anyways, picking up from my last update about how fucking ridiculous and disgusting and subhuman furries are, today I stumbled across the site of some girl and her panda costume. Seriously, someone should just round up the whole subculture and shoot them in the head, so... (Read Entire Post)

Hate Mail!! (posted 17:52 09/03/04)
Oh boy, I got some new hate mail! Always a very special joy. Can you guess which button on that there keyboard they like best? I'll give you a hint: it's between Shift and Tab and rhymes with Maps Cock. First up for whining is, who is apparently incensed at my Return of the King review (if you recall, I called it "longwinded cinematic drivel that beats you over the head with how EPIC it is so you don't notice it's a piece of shit"):

"I've examined your review at length, and found it to be LITTERED with factual... (Read Entire Post)

Laid Off (posted 02:33 09/02/04)
The boards of most of my major companies met Monday and decided that I was "unfit" to continue my work as chief executive. What a bunch of ungrateful cockbites. Sure sales have been down for the last six quarters, but it's not like that's my fault, no one was giving me shit to work with and all the people under me were goddamn retards. So they called me last night and said, "DUHHH YOU'RE FIRED AND ALSO WE'RE GAY FAGGOT SHITHEADS BUHHH." The upside is that I'll be updating more often, but I have to set up this Paypal button... (Read Entire Post)

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