Moon Prism Habit Patterns

Wed, 10/20/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Oh, it's a little late for tears, isn't it Usagi? Even though you didn't know your beat-'em-up would happen today, you've still had your whole life to prepare for it... of course, you've gotten into the habit of not being prepared, and now it's a little late, isn't it? You're a creature of habit, Usagi, we all are. Unfortunately, not all of your habits are good ones!

This is how your game started... started wrong. You're unresponsive to controls. You can't dash, you don't have a ranged attack, your jumping range is poor and you can only chop at your enemies feebly. On the other hand, your friend Linn Kurosawa is a creature of habit too, but seems to have no problem with any of these things! Look at how graceful she is compared to you, Usagi! Linn knows how to jump at a group of enemies, slash at them from above, air throw one of them, then disperse the rest with a burst of gunfire. Linn has trained herself to know what she's going to do, and how she can respond quickly to controls. She really doesn't have to think about it; she can dash and high kick a squad of aliens because it just comes naturally to her. And more than that, she looks good when she does it! She has taste in selecting only the best orange/black camouflage and matching it with a metallic breast plate, and her ponytail shows that she's all business. Linn plans carefully as to how she'll look in her beat-'em-ups, so that she can appear both tough and capable without sacrificing a certain femininity.

But look at you, Usagi. Still wearing that same dumpy, ugly, outmoded sailor outfit as always. Is that bow covering a stain on your shirt? Maybe you should have a better plan as to when you wash things! That hair certainly isn't helping out how bad you look... and maybe you should shampoo it more often, it's starting to smell. And that skirt, the gloves, and those hideous knee-high boots... don't you ever wonder if they all make you look like a cheap ten-dollar whore?

But of course, you're a creature of habit, Usagi, you just look like a cheap, despicable, clueless prostitute because it's natural for you. So of course you lost a life in the first stage, Usagi. How could you not have? You're an utter failure in every possible way. You're sloppy, lazy, slovenly, and nobody likes you. You're unresponsive and can barely do a four-hit combo without being outpunched and knocked over by some clueless minion. Nobody blames you for crying, because that's what you are: a crybaby. A big crybaby who's going nowhere in life and was better off not being born. Maybe if you were a little more like Linn you might be of some small utility to society, but even then you'd probably still just fuck it all up because you're a stupid, pathetic, useless cunt. Oh my god why can't you just die. Die, and get all your imperfections and bullshit out of my sight.


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