syndicate bores

Mon, 07/31/2006 — Rev. Ragu

So, Western Europe. I completely understand your problem with me here. After my corporate government came in, had a big fireworks party, and put up a Blade Runner-esque cyber-dirigible telling you all HEY CHECK IT OUT YOUR NEW BOSSES ARE GOING TO MAKE THINGS AWESOME, I immediately proceeded to squeeze the entire population for every last NewShilling, turning the entire populace from Neo-Cornwall to Strausbourg-III into the collective latex-clad protagonist of a futuristic Dickens novel (Charles Dickens: cloned, 2034, currently on permanent exhibition at the Smithsonian). It's hard to get going when you're just a little startup, okay? You could almost say we're a Mom and Pop outfit right now - just one with a highly trained and notably sadistic secret police unit. We need some capital to keep up with the other Syndicates; to deck our augmented secret agents with the heavy artillery and cyberware that they need to bring RevCo's low prices and service with a smile to every corner of the world, by any means necessary.

So, you're pissed at me, and you want me out, right? Fair enough, I suppose starving you guys to death really is asking for it. So what do you do? You get some faceless colonel in your government-in-exile's army to syphon some weapons technology from my business, guard him with three minimum-wage rent-a-cops, and wait for me to send in an agent to maybe take out a few guards, if they even give a damn, and then execute the colonel with a single shot. And then you do it again. And again. And again. All the France Surrenders jokes have suddenly become justified, because the Maginot Line was nothing compared to the "Shitty Colonel" defense, which the Western Europeans seem completely unable to get past.

Where the hell is the spirit of the French Revolution here, guys? Do you want to be tyrannized by corporate overlords? Instead of sticking my head through some kind of suitably futuristic laser guillotine, you keep getting these dipshits to dig through my Weapons Division's wastebaskets for some particularly juicy post-its (Containing sensitive information like "LASER - MAKE BIGGER?" and "PICK UP JUNIOR FROM FOOTBALL PRACTICE") then quietly wait for your "insurgency" to be put down before lunchtime.

The surest sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, no matter how many times it fails. You have a sick, sick subcontinent, and the best cure I know of for an ailing social-economic boundary is tough love. I'm going to keep taxing you guys stupid until you learn, or at least until I have enough for that V2 Chest Plating on all my agents that I had my eye on.

Comments


Thu, 01/08/2009 — Sean

Wow...just, wow. I've been searching for ANY indication that I'm not the only fan of Syndicate since I was 12, and I run into this awesomeness. I laughed milk out of my nose, if it makes you feel better.


Thu, 01/08/2009 — Ragu

You kidding? Everyone who played computer games at that time loved Syndicate! Dude who designed it, Peter Molyneux is still a big name, and even very occasionally lives up to it! That is some anomalous shit, man. Anomalous.


Mon, 06/22/2009 — Kabbage

Relatively speaking, RevCo really does have the friendliest service on the market today. Civilian casualty rates in most major urban areas have barely broken a daily thou since the latest population culling! I feel safe and almost arrestingly open to suggestion around my neighborhood's RevCo Suppression Force ^_^

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